I had this report done by a writer from another site, and it’s inadequate. Here

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I had this report done by a writer from another site, and it’s inadequate. Here are the instructions I gave:
“ PLEASE READ CAREFULLY AND ENSURE YOU ARE KNOWLEDGEABLE ON THE UNITED STATES TV AND CONTENT INDUSTRY BEFORE BIDDING. For this essay, one must choose 3 television networks and/or streaming services that may be willing to buy (put into production) the young adult comedy series attached in the series proposal (“Geek Machines”). Using TV/Film industry sources such as Deadline, Variety, etc. as well as others kinds of sources, evaluate how likely each buyer is to order the series “Geek Machines” based on the genre, demographic, format, etc. and overall gaps in the market.
Please call the networks/streaming services as “buyers” throughout the essay. Here are the 3 buyers I have already brainstormed: 1. Hulu 2. NBC 3. Apple TV
Plus Instructions as well as the series proposal and its lookbook are attached.”
I ended up sending it for several revisions and this attached file is what I ended up with.
Unfortunately, it uses no industry sources suggested.
Here are the areas I would like to see improvement in:
– Sources: I would like to eliminate use of Indian sources (which I think may have been eliminated from the reference list by this revision? but remained referenced in the text), and include more informal sources like film/tv trade publications suggested
– Less vague language – there’s a lot of “if you research this topic you’ll find…” kinda stuff that is not great
– Grammar, capitalization issues. It’s clear that it’s from a non-native English speaker
Files that are attached:
– Market Analysis Buyers for Geek Machines.docx (essay that needs to be reworked)
– GEEK MACHINES.pdf (the series proposal/pitch doc the report is based off of)
– Instructions.png (original assignment instructions)
Thank you for reading.

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